I've realised I missed out two of the most memorable stalks Steve did.
The first of these, chronologically, I think took place in November 2011. By this time there was no chance in my mind of us ever getting back together (yes, I know we did, but not really and not for long, because in my mind I was done, I just would get persuaded against my better judgment by my own traitorous heart), so he really was placed in 'stalker' category. It got so bad that I spent a lot of my weekends away at my sisters, just to get a decent sleep. My sister and nieces were really good throughout this time. There was one time I was at theirs, we'd gone to Pizza Express, and my phone kept going. In the end, I answered it, and Steve said he was in hospital, he'd overdosed, would I come. I actually considered it - was shaking at the thought. Then my sister and nieces talked me, well, MOCKED me actually, out of it.
'I bet he's not even in hospital!'
'Yeah, he's just making it up, it's all just lies!'
'But,' I insisted, 'he was in a hospital, I could hear clanking and people.'
When I finally got back two days later, he admitted he had actually been at Telford Railway Station on the way to the pub.
But I digress. This particular time I'd had a lovely time from the Thursday to the Saturday at my sister's for her 60th birthday. I got back on the Saturday and all was fine with the house. I was in the kitchen making a cup of tea and as I looked out the window, my heart stopped. The door to the shed was wide open.
I could feel my heart pounding, but then I remembered the gardener (who was planning on re-felting the roof) had said he might need to ventilate the shed if the boards under the felt were damp. I texted him - it wasn't him. I forced myself to go down the garden and look. I was half-expecting to see a scene of devastation. But when I got there, there was just a little space cleared on the crap-ridden floor. Steve'd only been staking out the house from there, hadn't he! And he'd left the door open deliberately, so I'd know.
It was true. That night, at gone 11pm, he was banging on my back window, wanting to come in. I opened the window and said he couldn't come in, he had to accept it was over and leave me alone. He said he'd been thrown out of his B and B and had spent the previous night sleeping in my shed. Like he doesn't have scores of dodgy friends he could stay with. I said I didn't believe him, and didn't care anyway, he needed to go away. So he tried to climb in the window. I phoned 999, but hung up when he got out the window. Then he tried to climb in again! So I rang 999 and reported the whole thing, even though he had now run away. Idiot.
The other mega-stalk was one Saturday. I'd been at a friend's birthday party - one of those 'in the day' things that you have when you have kids. I got home early evening time, it was May 2012, so it was still light, yet I didn't see Steve lurking in the driveway to the side of the house. He was on top of me before I had a chance to think, throwing me to the ground, shouting and screaming in my face about what a whore I looked like (I was wearing jeans and a sparkly top, nothing OTT), where the hell did I think I'd been, who was I seeing etc. All the time pushing me onto the ground, holding me there by my neck and hitting me.
By chance a complete stranger passerby came over to see what was going on, and intervened so Steve ran away. This man offered to stay with me until I called the Police, but I said I'd be fine, he'd done enough already. I only wanted to be inside, behind my locked door.
I went inside - and here's the weird bit. I just sat there for hours. Did nothing, thought nothing, just sat on the sofa and stared blankly.Then I went to bed. I didn't report it until the Monday, when the lassie I worked with noticed I was acting oddly. She thought I had been raped, I was so weird. I hadn't been, I can't explain what it was - I can only think that it was the being beaten after NOT being beaten for so long, it had sent me into a sort of shock.
Can't believe I forgot to write about those two incidents. There's probably loads more he's done that I've forgotten, but that's probably plenty for now.
In bed this morning I was thinking about how felt being on the end of domestic violence. So I think I will next be doing a bit of a reflection on that.
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